TEN REASONS WHY I COULD NEVER BE PRESIDENT.

Sometimes I realize that—beyond the obvious reasons, like not old enough, no college degree, nor ambition to do so—I would make a pretty terrible presidential candidate. And not because I can't make the vague speeches or engage in the political gibberish required, but because of what I feel, and would no doubt blurt out, that this country needs moving forward. But for the sake of entertainment, let's imagine what my candidacy, or more appropriately, the candidacy of my ideal president, might look like:1. I would absolutely, unequivocally, unabashedly, raise taxes. Especially, or perhaps exclusively, on the rich. These taxes would go towards eight month subsidized maternity leave for women, midwife coverage in healthcare (saving the system an average of $5,000-$10,000 per birth and the lives of thousands of moms and babies each year), free weekly cooking classes in every city, etc. (etc. = yet to be determined, but totally good stuff, I promise).2. I would encourage excessive spending over excessive savings. i.e. for every dollar over one million a citizen keeps in the bank, they would be taxed ten percent yearly. Thirty percent for every dollar over one billion. Hopefully, everyone would be encouraged to invest the rest in their local economy, in charities or in farmers––we need it.3. I would label GMO's––big labels––and legalize raw milk, hemp and indeed, marijuana––three things farmers could really use to grow.4. I would remove all subsidies for banks, oil companies, Big Ag, etc., and reallocate them to pay off the college debts of young entrepreneurs in farming, renewable energy, and conservation. Large corporations would just have to be happy with their already billions of dollars in revenue. Sorry.5. I would reward innovation in power. Anyone who has the background and a good idea for using renewable resources to power the world could be eligible for government funding, compliments of the aforementioned taxes on the grotesquely wealthy.6. I would invest heavily in finding coal- and natural gas-producing regions alternative incomes that were not coal or natural gas. Fracking would be outlawed and made to wear a dunce cap for the rest of History Class.7. I would outlaw watering, chemically fertilizing or chemically weeding lawns (you can see my votes dwindling, right?).8. Kitties for everyone. Puppies, too. Some might get a baby monkey (Some logistical issues with this one, but gets a few votes back).9. I would give tax breaks to people who use the humanure system. Also, I would push to get "humanure" put in the dictionary.10. I would outlaw plastic grocery bags, take soda pop out of food stamps, and demand federally-funded radio ads, TV spots and billboards all over the country that say "Just eat fresh food, cook most of it yourself, don't drink your calories, exercise, and you will lose weight! Promise." Or something to that effect.Okay, I've got way more than ten, but I'll stop there. That doesn't stop you, however, from telling me why you could never be President. So, what perfectly reasonable ideas would cause the country to not vote for you?- Jesse.