IN PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS.
I had my first battle with depression while living in New York City. I simply woke up one morning––in the prime of my youth––and without any warning at all, felt small. Without any warning I felt sad. I was, without any warning, any specific reason, or any real cure, a mess. Just like that.And then it went away. And then it came back. And then it went away. And then it came back. About once a month, or every few weeks, I just went down. Though sometimes coupled with heartache, heavy drinking or stress, there seemed to be no real rhyme or reason to it. I was now just, as a young, healthy twenty-something, one of the millions of Americans who suffered from depression.As a writer, this seemed fitting––suffering was common among my favorite authors. But as a human being who had to live with this burdensome sadness, fitting was of little comfort. You've had sore muscles before, no doubt. Well depression feels like that, if your soul can be considered a muscle. It makes it hard to get out of bed, walk, talk or do just about anything necessary for life. Depression is a limp of the heart.Then for many years I just sucked it up and carried it around. I carried it to the wine shop where I feel my work certainly suffered on the bad days. I carried it to the bar, to my friend's houses, to brunch, to shows, everywhere. I never really dwelled on it, I just absorbed it into my character. Jesse Frost, sometimes sad.When I came to Bugtussle in 2010, I didn't expect it to go away. I had made this dramatic change in my life hoping it would, but didn't expect it to. And it didn't immediately. I remember one long night, a couple weeks into my internship, where I got a visit from the soreness and thought, "I guess you found me."But the other day Hannah and I were laying on our backs, smothering Further with kisses, while he laughed wildly. And I was laughing wildly. And my beautiful wife was laughing wildly. It was then that I realized six years had passed since my last bout with depression, six years since the last time I was anything but thrilled to get out bed.I'm not saying farming cured me, or family cured me, or could cure anyone else, but having gone this long without crippling sadness I'm not conceding it either. I eat better, I exercise a lot, I love what I do, and I have the most amazing people around me at all times. If I couldn't be happy in that, I must be broken.I also used to think of my depression as part of my character, but I don't see it that way anymore. My depression was not my personality, but a symptom of not doing what I was––forgive the cliché––meant to do with my life. Wild laughter, however, in the best of company, I believe, is a signal that I may be on the right track.- Jesse Frost, pretty darn happy.
ROLF AND DAUGHTERS.
Farmers don't often get to eat at the restaurants they supply. We eat a lot of really great meals with really great produce, but rarely do we get the experience of eating food in the hands of professional cooks. Then, last Friday, though none of our produce is currently on the menu, we got to experience the skills of our friend Philip Krajeck's Nashville restaurant Rolf and Daughters as diners. Oh man.We were joined for dinner by our friends The Breedings along with their respective better halves. This crew has eaten at some of the best restaurants in the country – from New York to Napa – yet by the end of the evening we all struggled to remember a meal so throughly satisfying. I fail even now to name a favorite dish of our night at R.A.D. – an appropriate acronym if ever one existed. Every dish — and there were many, many dishes — was probably my favorite.We look forward to supplying Rolf and Daughters with more food this year (and then eating there again), knowing that our food is decidedly in good hands. Anyway, I'll spare you the blabbering, let the pictures do the talking, and only add that if you are anywhere within a day or two's drive of Nashville, do yourself a favor and stop by this place.- Jesse.
WHY WE FARM.
This. This is why we put up with the aches and pains and sweat and tears.
Because this is our ingredients list every day. Right now, our options are corn, tomatoes, potatoes, onions, garlic, cucumbers, zucchini, squash, eggplant, peppers, basil, dill, cilantro, beans, berries, mushrooms, lamb, beef, chicken, eggs. We have outrageous meals, eating like kings, and we are all the healthier because of the food (and the work that went into growing it).So at the end of this insane week, the 100 degree days and grubbing for potatoes in the mud and smelling eternally like onions, I am still sure. I am sure that this is what I want to be doing, as I bite into an ear of sweet corn freshly picked. As our kitchen floor is crowded with baskets of food. As I fall asleep each night, belly full and arms sore from work.- Hannah.